


how do i breathe? (when you’re not here im suffocating)

by arnoldminyard (carmelle), charliecat, ofmurphys



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 09:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12814725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmelle/pseuds/arnoldminyard, https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliecat/pseuds/charliecat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofmurphys/pseuds/ofmurphys
Summary: It had been approximately 27 hours since he had last seen Keith and hadn’t heard a single thing from him. No phone call, no text, no lazy handwritten post it note pressed against the fridge; nothing. At first it had been easy to brush it aside but every hour that went by without him coming home had made it difficult and waking up to find Keith’s room empty had made it impossible._____Lance wakes up to find Keith, his roommate, has disappeared. With no help and little to no leads he conducts his own investigation, vowing to not give up until he finds answers.





	how do i breathe? (when you’re not here im suffocating)

  _Saturday, November 18, 6:15 pm_

**Lance**

about to go on for the last time <3   
see you after the show!

_Saturday, November 18, 10:45 pm_

**Lance**

can’t find you, gotta head to the cast   
party. i’ll see you at home tonight.

   _Sunday, November 19, 12:50 am_

**Lance**

leah's driving me hmeo i missed you tonigfht

   _Sunday, November 19, 1:32 am_

**Lance**

where era you

  _Sunday, November 19, 10:36 am_

**Lance**

where did you go last night? i missed you   
at the show and you weren’t home when i got home

   _Sunday, November 19, 2:26 pm_

**Lance**

keith?

 

It had been approximately 27 hours since he had last seen Keith and hadn’t heard a single thing from him. No phone call, no text, no lazy handwritten post it note pressed against the fridge;  _nothing_. At first it had been easy to brush it aside but every hour that went by without him coming home had made it difficult and waking up to find Keith’s room empty had made it impossible. He was driving himself crazy and was almost certain that the open door was taunting him because every time he looked up he’d expect to see Keith groggy eyed with bed head ambling out from his bedroom with a dopey expression plastered on his face.

Instead what he saw was the sun casting a warm glow on an empty bed and it caused his stomach to drop every time; as if he was expecting different results from the first 20 times he had walked by. But Lance continued to torture himself hoping against all logic that this was all just a bad dream that he’d wake up from because it was easier to play pretend than to admit that Keith, the boy who meant the entire world to him, might be gone. He didn’t want to think about what that would mean or imagine his life without Keith in it because while he can still recall a time  _before_ him his life felt brighter with the other boy in it. Lighter even, like the feeling of stepping off a roller-coaster when adrenaline and excitement is still bubbling within. Everything felt more complete.

It was almost alarming how Lance couldn't recall grabbing his wallet and keys from the side table until he was standing in their apartments hallway with the fluorescent light shining down above him. Though he continued to let his legs move, working on autopilot, because in all honestly he didn't know what he was doing because everything felt wrong and while he was physically present his mind was miles away. Only half aware of clicking the down button on the elevator an upwards of 10 times with an older lady looking at him with an expression that could only be explained as a mixture of confusion and exasperation.

“Do you live in the building?” Lance found himself blurting out, his hands shaking at his sides when the lady nodded. “Do you, um--” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket clicking the button to illuminate the screen and tilted it towards her, “Have you seen this boy recently?”

“Yes.” His heart soared, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder, “Yesterday morning.” Just like that he felt himself deflate with the weight of the world crushing down on him.

He was no closer to knowing where Keith was.

But maybe Shiro did.

 

* * *

 

Lance had been to this house hundreds of times before but never had he stood on the other side of the door with shaky hands and an erratic heartbeat. He was nervous because whatever answers he received they could never be unheard and that made him hesitant because there was a good chance that whatever he found out would be the exact things that he didn’t want to hear.

Taking a deep breath in hopes that the act itself would lessen his nerves he brought his hand up and rang the doorbell once, ignoring the underlying hope that maybe Shiro wouldn’t be home and he could put this off. Of course nothing was ever that simple and he watched as the door pulled open to reveal Shiro smiling across at him. “Come on in, Lance.” Hesitantly, he made his way off of the porch and through the threshold into the house moving towards the couch to sit down.

“Can I get you anything?” Shiro asked and there was something about his expression, the small hesitant smile, that made a lump in his throat form and his knee bounce where he was sat on the couch in Shiro’s living room. It was the kind of expression he had seen on others before when they knew they were about to share bad news and were nervous on how the person would react.

It made Lance want to get up and flee, to go home and curl up in his bed with the covers drawn up over his head like he used to when he was little and was scared of monsters. Except this time the terror wasn’t in the form of a giant shadow monster coming to get him but rather the confirmation that Keith -- someone who meant the entire world to him -- was truly gone and not even Keith’s brother knew where.

“Yeah, uh, tea?” The words came out raspy, the side-effect of trying to force the words to come out, and he was thankful that Shiro didn’t say anything and instead nodded before making his way into the kitchen leaving him alone with his thoughts. He didn’t necessarily want tea but what he did want was a moment to get himself together and brace himself for what came next. Lance could do this and even if he couldn’t he  _had_ to.

In an attempt to keep himself from panicking and talking himself out of this newly formed courage to face this head on he let himself he let his eyes wander around the immediate vicinity. None of it were things he hadn’t seen before the beige painted walls were the same, the plant in the corner by the windows was still there but perhaps had grown larger, and there was still a pile of books scattered on the living room table in front of him. He took a moment to read the titles on the books -  _The Hidden Reality, The Great Beyond, The Fabric of Reality_  - and several other books remained that Lance quite frankly lost interest in knowing the titles of. Instead he found himself looking to the left where there were two shelving units with more books but the books themselves weren’t what caught his attention, it was the pictures.

He could see several pictures of Shiro and Slav together, with bright smiles and eyes filled with fondness, some on their wedding day and others on days that Lance couldn’t determine. Though those weren’t the pictures that he found himself staring at with his fingers digging into his legs but rather the ones containing Keith. There was one in particular, one taken a year earlier, of Keith and himself, it was on the Shiro and Slav’s wedding day and Keith was in a suit and Lance had his arm strewn across his shoulder showing off a bright grin. He could recall the moment so clearly, how nervous Keith had been about giving a best man speech, and how Lance had been right there trying his best to calm him down. He wished he could go back to that moment because they were so happy and Keith was still  _there_.

“I like that photo too.” The sudden words caused Lance to jump back slightly as Shiro set a black mug on the table in front of him. “It’s one of the only photos from that day where he didn’t look overtly uncomfortable.”

“He really hated that suit, complained about how uncomfortable it was the entire time.” He recalled with a fond smile and it was almost easy to forget why he was here in the first place.  _Almost_.

“I know you said Keith wasn’t here when I texted you but I wanted to ask, did he say anything about where he was going last night?” Lance questioned, wasting no time and trying to get it out of the way before he lost his nerve.

It was hard to miss the confusion plastered all over Shiros expression as he sat down in a chair across from him. “Last night?”

“Yeah, he told me he was coming here before my show.”

He watched as Shiro’s expression morphed into a frown and saw the confliction pass over before he leaned forward ever so slightly before he spoke. “I’m sorry, Lance, he wasn’t here. I haven’t seen Keith since Thursday.”

Just like that he felt all his resolve shatter.

He lost all ability to think rationally as he pushed himself up muttering a quick “ _I have to go_ ” before pulling his shoes on and ignoring Shiro calling his name as he left.

 _‘He wasn't here_.’

It was as if the whole had world tipped on it's axis, leaving everything off kilter.

Keith didn't go to Shiro’s.

 _Keith lied_.

If he didn't go to Shiro’s then where did he go?

And where is he now?

His head was filled to the brim with questions that he didn’t have the answers for but what he  _did_ know was this: He wouldn’t stop asking them until he did because Lance was never going to give up until he found Keith.

“I will find you, Keith,  _I promise_ .”

 

* * *

 

        

         _Sunday, November 19, 6:47 pm_

**Shiro**

Hi Lance, Slav just came home and said that Keith   
Had dropped out of his class on the 16th. Hope this helps.

 

* * *

 

 

There had been something inherently discomforting about sitting across from two police officers and having them dissect everything you say and having little insight into what was going on in their heads. It had Lance shifting in his seat every couple seconds, his unease, plainly evident but he was determined to find out where Keith was but he knew he couldn’t do it on his own. That had made it easier to push past the uncomfortable feeling as he spent under an hour answering all their questions and told them everything that he thought might help them find Keith before they sent him off to play the waiting game while they looked into it.

“--even listening?  **_Lance_ **!”

The sudden yell of his name had shaken him out of the trance he had been in, for who knows how long, and looked over at Hunk who currently was sprawled out on the worn couch that was pressed up against the living room wall.

“What?” He hadn’t meant for it to come out in a snappish tone and immediately felt guilt consume him as he watched his friend's expression that had been one of annoyance morph into a frown.

“Can you please stop clicking your pen?”

“Hm?” It was only that moment that the consistent, but frantic, clicking sound had registered in his head and immediately stopped and tossed the pen onto the coffee table in front of him. “Sorry.”

Hunk didn’t reply but Lance watched as his friend stared over at him for several moments before sighing and placing the laptop that had been in his lap onto the table as well. He knew Hunk well enough to sense that he was about to get a well meaning lecture.

“Have you been sleeping?” It was the kind of question that someone asked, despite already knowing the answer, and wished he could lie. He didn’t want to have the conversation that he knew was coming but this was Hunk who was asking and Lance never lied to him and he wasn’t about to start.

Toying with the pages in his notebook that was still balanced against his legs, that had been pulled up to rest his notebook on, he sighed. “Not really but I guess you knew that already.” Hunk didn’t even bother to look sheepish at his reply but Lance hadn’t really expected him to.

“I say this out of kindness but you look awful. I know you’re worried about Keith but you still have to take care of yourself.” This wasn’t the first time he heard this, the same well-meaning advice laid out in different words, but he wished everyone would stop.

“It’s been  _four_  days Hunk and he’s still gone. How am I expected to sleep? I just wish they would tell me something,  _anything_.”

“They will, Lance, you just have to wait and maybe you should use that time to shower.” Hunk stated with a small hesitant smile trying to lighten up the mood a little.

“Hey! I resent that implication.” He stated and clapped a hand dramatically to his chest, mock wounded.

“Yeah, yeah.” Hunk waved a hand brushing it off and grabbed his laptop again. “Go back to your notes and please, no pen clicking this time, I’m trying to focus.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was the following day and Lance for the briefest of moments had thought that things were going to get better, that he was finally going to get the answers he wanted.

He was wrong.

Which was plainly evident as he stared at Officer Iverson as he told him that they looked into the case and there was nothing criminal about it; that Keith left on his own violation and until there was evidence to contradict that it was out of their hands. Lance had barely heard him as he left because all he could hear was the pounding of his heart. 

All it took was 5 days for them to decide that finding Keith didn't matter, just 120 hours before they stopped looking into it.  

The Police didn't know Keith like Lance did. They weren't there for every yelled goodbye, didn't see the hurried handwriting on post it notes stuck to the fridge, or pull open a text conversation to see a ‘went out be out later’ on the bright screen below. It was what they did and he didn't think Keith would just suddenly leave without letting him know which is why Lance wasn't willing to buy into their story about how Keith leaving was voluntary.

They'd never leave without a goodbye.

_Never._

The thought struck something in him, a sudden light bulb going off, and in a frantic pace Lance ran to the kitchen towards the fridge that had nothing but a grocery list laid out underneath a magnet. He didn't expect for anything to be on the fridge, not foolish enough to think something would appear days after he already checked but it didn't stop him from dropping to the floor scanning frantically underneath in case something fell. His eyes moved from all around finding nothing but dust and a forgotten penny.

Pushing himself up from the floor with the mental reminder to vacuum he made a beeline from the fridge to where a bright fluorescent green post it pad was left tossed on the counter where it always was with a pencil beside it. Without hesitation he grabbed it and with the determination of a man with nothing but desperation dragged the pencil from one side to the other frantically scribbling across the pad like he had seen people do on all those crime shows he'd watch on tv.

Once the pencil hit the end of the pad he stared down at the pad as if it had all the answer but felt all his resolve crumble when all that was there were his pencil marks. He was right back where he started with no leads and no help.

He wasn’t ready to give up on Keith but he wasn't foolish enough to think he could do this on his own; he was just one boy and there was only so much he could do but if he had help…  _maybe_.  
  
He had no idea what he was doing but he knew he  _had_ to do something since no one else seemed to care about the startling absence that Keith left. It’s like time stopped but everyone else kept moving while he stayed stuck in position with his mind going a mile a minute trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together but the problem was all the pieces were missing. All he knew was that one day his best friend was still there and the next he was gone but no one else seemed to care but him. Which meant this; he would have to be the one to find him and the only way he could think of was to start a blog, hope it would gain traction, and someone who knew something would stumble upon it and give him some clues that would help him get the answers he so desperately longed for.

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for both the story and chapter title goes to Sam Smith! 
> 
> Also, if you like this fic be sure to check out our companion blog 'where is keith?' [here](https://where-is-keith.tumblr.com/) for extra content and to see what appears on Lance's blog!


End file.
